“You see she doesn’t care that I’m her dad. Even if there’d be another man instead of me, she wouldn’t be bothered anyway. For her, parents are just instruments that help to grow up, feed her, provide food and clothes, bring her to school. But she’s not feeling any attachment, nor warmness. She’s asked me again to leave her in orphanage. Is she freaking kidding me?!”

My dad, a jerk as he was, wasn’t at the same time a stupid man, and he was realising how things are and how I percept world and him in particular. Well, that’s kind of understandable.. I followed his steps.

I won’t run when the sky turns to flame,
And I sure won’t budge
When the earth does shake.
When the flood comes up,
I will dance in the rain
‘Cause it’s all the same to me.

Among things I write in blog there’s often topic of boredom mentioned. It, the boredom, follows me from my childhood. And those who know me well understand why.

Eenie meenie, miney mo
E. I., E. I., E. I. O.
Where you, where you,
Where you go
Well, it’s all the same to me

Because of my “filter” and attitude to things in general, very often I ended up being accused of indifference. An accusation quite earned.

– I will die and you won’t care?

– Yeah, but I’ll be sad. Nobody dies for real anyway, so what’s the different.

Eenie meenie, miney mo
I won’t holler, let me go.
Don’t you, don’t you,
Don’t you know
That it’s all the same to me.

The biggest problem is to explain that i’m not indifferent but I indeed do not care because every variant is interesting in its own way, it’s beautiful and might lead to a line of new intriguing events. How it’s possible to choose from things equally interesting.

With all that, if I do realise that I prefer one of the options, or a thing or a person, it gains a weight. Making a decision when all of them are suitable is very hard, but if the decision is indeed desired is very noticeable from the background of everything else. A decision breaks the multi variety and creates its own reality with a strong gravity.

And it’s all I live for.
The air I breathe
So, it’s all the same to me.
Yeah, it’s all the same to me.

picture from here

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