I THINK I WILL BE A WRITER

Probably you have seen around internet articles on inner voice. Generally it is described as follows: you start to read something – and the voice you hear will be that ideal inner voice with perfect intonations and tempo.

I personally have a man’s voice, quite neutral I’d say. It’s not exactly low but lower than I hear from most of people I talk to. What I like about this voice, that it is very comforting. If I’d go to a therapy I wish that a doctor would have such voice. Oh, and.. wish that this voice would tell me “good night” and that I won’t see nightmares today.

What I don’t like about this voice – it comments my life.

If you know movie “Stranger than fiction” you would understand what I mean immediately. Even first dew minutes of the movie will make you understand.

Most of the time I don’t hear my own thoughts, but this voice commenting on my thoughts or actions. Another’s opinion is actually not such a bad things – two heads are smarter than one. Sometimes though it’s not quite clear who of us is in charge. Maybe I’m only a character of this voice. Possibly this voice is simply playing the last version of Sims game.

I want to believe that this voice is at least smarter than me and sees the Bigger Picture. Maybe this is it, this is the Higher I – the Author.

After few novels, horror-stories and thrillers, the Author decided to write something new, but didn’t quite decide what exactly. Keeping in mind the content of 4 first chapters, he started to write, and the character went on his journey fully trusting the Author. Occasionally the character wanted to do something on his own, but Author’s voice stubbornly pushed another decision, since Author’s choice would be better for the storytelling, more interesting for the future reader, and, to be entirely honest, more likely to be approved by the Editor. The character submitted.

I don’t know where lies the border between us, and if it exists at all. Is it a wise voice or a typical schizophrenia? Should I listen up to it and speak only according to the script, or do things that are provoked somewhere from even deeper within? Who in all this conversation is the real me?

If I start ignoring this voice my life would be very different. Those who know me would stop recognizing me, sign me up for a doctor, stop communicating or would want to join my life-path. I guess in their place I would be also confused with what to do with this character.

So far I don’t know how would the relationship between character and the Author go, but there’s for sure one thing i can learn from the Author – being an author and a writer on my own of something bigger.

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