The worst thing about sticking to some over-thinking is that it leads to feeling guilt and self doubt. Paradoxically it can happen even if the cause of the “bad” situation was external, for example it was somebody else who hurt you. Never the less the guilt stays with you in a way of forcing one to go over different scenarios of what you should have said or done over and over in the head. Sometimes in the moments when it completely doesn’t make sense or is inappropriate or even when you start to think you managed to let go of it, a wave of “should haves” rushes over to you to knock you off the feet.
Many people say that it’s useless to go over what could-have-been. Though most of the times I politely agree, since this is the socialy acceptible attitude, deep inside I think otherwise. When you think of could-have-beens and should-have-dones, it provides a valuable piece of information – you wish you could go back the change something so that you wouldn’t be where you are now and instead in that “better” parallel universe scenario.
“When you forgive, you in no way change the past, but you sure do change the future.” Bernard Meltzer
Yes, overthinking doesn’t change where you are now no matter what. But it shares information about yourself that you so want to ignore – you wish you’d be “better” person in the past and act better, wiser, some other kind of right way in order to be where you actually want to be now. Wanting to fix and change things means caring.
It’s extremely hard to face external obstacles but it is even harder to face own wishes that are being unceremoniously showeled away. Facing own fears. Facing own fears of wanting. So much for zen.