“Pendulums”* creep up imperceptibly. The more I start to think that I attained the state of immutability, the more different pendulums are trying to get me out of balance.

I fall into a state of rage very easily. Most notably it is with my voice: the angrier – the lower voice gets. As a child, I couldn’t not to fight, to not scream and yell.. couldn’t not to go crazy. Over the years, it became easier to control.. and to somebody it may seem that I grasped zen. Alas.. This is not so.

I was offended by somebody and he or she thinks that it spoiled my mood.. Yes.. But this just a tip of the iceberg. In my mind there’re 10 different brutal murder variants flying by every second. If people would go to prison just for thinking about a murder, I probably would have gone straight from the delivery room to the prison.

Yes.. It looks like I do not “feed the pendulum”.. No way.. But it seems to me that sinking into a condition caused by that pendulum, I do still become a participant.

I can’t just abandon it to some potential “it’ll pass” in future. No! We’re going to be searching for a cure for Hulk!

And meanwhile it’s cool to listen to “Monster” by Skillet.

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